Stay Up, Keep Fighting, Don't Quit

A friend of mine died when I was in college. His name was Christian and he died in his dorm room on campus, prayerfully, through no pain because he was asleep. It was sudden. So sudden that I remember standing outside the dorm with about 100 other students refusing to move until they brought the body out.

To security's credit they didn't force us to leave but simply suggested that we did.

Sometimes, I wish I had.

Because when they brought his body out I remember being so sad that I literally couldn't stand any more. Less than 40 degree weather and I was sitting on the ground in basketball shorts, a hoodie, and some house shoes. I don't remember how long I sat there, I don't remember who helped me up and got me to my room, I don't remember when or if I slept. I do remember feeling hopeless. I remember thinking that if life can end so suddenly what is the point in trying. That if with absolutely no warning I can be killed why should I try to make my life worth something to someone, especially if they would one day feel the way I felt. I remember going to his viewing and to the service they held on campus to honor his life and seeing all the people whose lives he had touched and knowing that their lives had forever changed.

However, of all the things I do and don't remember I will never forget the title of this post. Another mutual friend saw I was down and talked to me. He told me that life is a cycle and that things were better after this. Then he told me to get the hell up and stop acting like i was the one dying. He told me that i had a choice to either stay down or stand up and stay up, to quit or keep fighting, to live or to die. Obviously, I chose to live else I wouldn't be writing this. Yet, I feel like I am the person I've become with some help from that experience. People are the sum total of their experiences...the good ones, the bad ones, the sad ones, and the ugly. This was one of mine.

I still keep Christian's number in my cell phone and as I perused my contacts today I was inspired to write this post. Maybe it was an odd choice for my first attempt at blogging but honestly I don't give a damn if you think so. Honestly, life is full of possibilities, so hello, thanks for reading, Stay Up, Keep Fighting, and for God sakes Don't Quit.